


Tears of Sorrow

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Comfort, George is relieved, Heavy Angst, John is trapped in a whirlwind, M/M, Mal is comforting, Post-Break Up, paul is hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22213894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mal’s experience of driving an inconsolable Paul McCartney home after the Beatles breakup.
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	Tears of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> usually, i wouldn’t know how to create a post break-up book. i tried my best with this.

A long day it was. Mal Evans simply hadn’t expected anything to escalate as high as it did. Once he finally closed the door to Abbey Road Studios, he headed towards his car that was brought out to the front by the valet. Heading out was the best thing to at this time, he wasn’t sure what would of happened if he stayed. Especially the _look_ on Paul’s face when John announced he was leaving, or that he wanted a divorce. At the moment Mal wasn’t so sure why everyone was shocked, or maybe he was the only one that truly seen it coming.

George had just smiled and closed in his eyes in bliss, while exhaling through his nostrils in relief. It looked as if he was going to say _about_ _fucking time_.

Ringo was just confused. He was the first to ever declare leaving the band though, which left Mal puzzled as of why he looked so shocked himself. All in all, Ringo had faith in there being another chance to renew everything. Whispering breathlessly to Mal before he finally departed, that Paul had told him that he thought about going back on tour.

John couldn’t help but to glance over at Paul, somewhat feeling a bit down at how Paul’s hands clenched up into a fist.

“Just- don’t let the public know yet.” Paul said, his voice firm with a hint of trembling in it. “Let’s make sure all the papers are signed, or whatever and make it official before we announced it to everyone else.”

“Anything you say James.” John smugly replied, without meaning to sound harsh at all. It was just how his tone would come out nowadays. Well that’s what Mal had thought.

Everyone watched in silence as Paul rushed out towards the front of the room, his head was down and his eyes were trying hard to not meet anyone else’s gaze. Mal noticed Paul could barely walk, tripping over himself as he rushed out of the room which was quite embarrassing for such a self-controlled man. So when Mal finally exited outside, seeing Paul staring silently at his shoes. The older man exhaled through his nostrils, instinctively kicking a pebble away as he trekked over towards behind Paul.

Paul tensed when he felt a large hand grasp at his shoulder, and his breathing seemed to pick up friskily. “Who’s that?” He asked, struggling to keep his voice intact.

“It’s me.”

Paul felt his own fingers subconsciously scratch at his clothed thigh, and he lifted his head up a bit. “What’s up Mal? Need help carrying stuff out? Since there’s no reason why it should be there anymore.” Mal noticed Paul’s voice was somewhat strangled, and he predicted that Paul was about to cry. He never seen Paul cry. Mal even thought Paul crying was never a thing, he lived with always looking at Paul and Ringo to be the smiley ones more often.

“No just- let me take you home.” Mal softly spoke, transitioning to rubbing Paul’s back comfortably. The way Paul continued to tense and shudder over each stroke of Mal’s hand on his back reluctantly made the older man awkwardly drop his hand to his side. Mal cleared his throat, and stepped closer towards Paul while his eyes began analyzing the back of Paul’s head. “Please.”

“Yeah, alright, sure.”

Now they were in the car, driving on the highway with _‘Try a Little Tenderness’_ by Otis Redding keeping the silence occupied. Mal has succumbed into the gentle tune of the music, drowning in the lyrics and tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. At the moment, with this scenario happening, Mal couldn’t even register what to do. What was his job? He’d lose his job no doubt, no Beatles, no job. Maybe it’d be easier to pick one up in awhile whenever this gets settled, but everything was so broken around this time. Mal basically saw these young men grow up into full adults, late twenties, still considered young in a way. All this heap of drama pressuring them at an age where they should be at the prime of their lives, makes them seem ten times more older than they already are.

Mal sighed, and tried to keep his thoughts together. Everything was so _sad_. It wasn’t any of their faults that this had to happen, in Mal’s opinion it was just the new managers that caused a barricade to build up between everyone. Even George Martin couldn’t get to shake it.

What broke Mal cleanly out of his thoughts was a loudly pained yelp, and it was as if Paul had hurt himself.He looked over at the younger man, his eyes immediately widening as he noticed Paul had tears streaking his cheeks and he was shuddering violently in his seat. For the first time in his life, he was noticing _Paul McCartney_ crying hysterically, and he was totally at lost of what to do. Without hesitation, he kept driving, turning the music up a bit to try and comfort Paul in the most safest way he possibly could.

“Paul? Calm down, _calm down_. Look at me.” Mal demanded, reaching over to touch Paul’s arm while keeping his eyes glued onto the road. “I’m here Paul.”

Paul covered his face with one hand, unable to properly breathe through his mouth without getting caught up choking. Right now, everything in his head was shouting at him to do one thing or the other. Both of those specific things ending up critical, and unbearable to endure. _Leave, or work yourself to death trying not to_. Paul had suddenly paused with a hiccup, feeling another wave of tears and anguish creep up over him. He felt as if he failed, as if he was worthless and useless throughout the whole two years of trying to keep everyone together. _‘What a pitiful piece of shit you are Paul McCartney, you’re a failure.’_ Was all he heard in his head at the moment. Sniffling, he side-eyed Mal with light red, hurt and teary eyes without a single word being uttered from his mouth.

Mal felt Paul’s eyes burning at the side of his face, which made guilt split him open. “Do you want me to pull over?” Mal abrasively asked, hands shaking while he swallowed down hard to keep himself from exploding at his own stupidity at the moment.

Paul shook his head; no. His eyes burnt when he felt two more tears slip from his eyes, and he was crying again. “I- I-” Paul let out a pained and strangled noise, all the while-smashing his fist hard against the glove compartment. “I can’t fucking do this anymore Mal! _I can’t. I can’t.I can’t. I can’t_.” Paul spat, quickly wrenching his now sprained or possibly broken left hand away from the glove compartment. Mal watched in awe at how Paul hadn’t seemed to flinch when he basically smashed his fist against it. It was at that moment he realized, Paul and John weren’t that different after all.

“You can’t tell me that I didn’t fucking try! You can’t tell me that I didn’t!” Paul painfully cried, aggressively wiping his nose with his now bloody hand as snot began to make its departure. “What did I do wrong?! What went wrong?”

“I don’t- I don’t know.” Mal panicked, making the mental choice in finally pulling over the car at the side of the road. “Paul calm down okay?”

Paul was about to chuck his fist against the compartment again, but Mal grabbed his wrist before it could make fatal impact. One last punch and Paul’s left hand would have been _completely_ broken. Paul eyed Mal’s hand that was firmly planted on his wrist with a glare that would mean _death_ in any other situation. Mal caught his breath, and looked closely at Paul. The younger man was scaring him to death, he had never seen Paul like this before and for a second he concluded that Paul had finally broke. That he would never be the same after this. Which is impossible, it had to be. Not Paul, not his best mate, it couldn’t be.

Paul had gritted teeth. “Let me go.”

“No.”

Paul twisted his arm around in the grip, and winced at the fact that Mal’s grip got tighter. “You’re going to break my fucking arm. Let me go.” Paul hated at how his voice crack mid sentence, which made him immediately drop his head. “ _Please_.” He pathetically sobbed while slowly releasing his clenched fist.

When they arrived at Paul’s home, Mal had helped Paul inside while looking around urgently. “Where’s Linda? Is she alright?”

After a few lost seconds of not getting an answer, Mal shook Paul, noticing that the younger man was mumbling incoherent things to himself. Something that had to do with John obviously, and it was frightening Mal even more than when Paul was trying to permanently break his hand back in the car.

Paul huffed, and raised his head up to meet Mal’s gaze. “Out of town.” 

“Oh, then who’s going to be here watching you?”

Paul once _again_ , dropped his head and continued to mumble incoherent words under his breath. Mal mentally made the conclusion that he was going to have a long night with this chap. Later on that day, Mal was watching a movie on the humongous telly in Paul’s living room after Paul suggested that he was going to take a cold shower. Although the television was on, Mal was not able to take his mind off of what was happening and it was getting to him to the point where he had to step out into the garden.

Where was the time going? It seemed as if it was just yesterday when he first met the boys. John was calling him Paul Bunyan’s grandson, and the boys were laughing at how big Mal’s muscles were. Although Mal loved each of them, Paul was the main one that continuously ventured off towards him. He would remembered one winter evening when the young man would walk up to him, a childish gleam in his big hazel eyes with a mischievous expression and a block of snow in his hands when he would request Mal to lift him up onto his shoulders. Then he’d throw a big snow ball at John.

Mal paused his strolling, remembering how close Paul and John were before this. The laughs, smiles and gazes they would share with each other. Plus, he remembered the one night John was drunk all over and Mal had took care of him.

_“I love him. Fuck it- I love him so much Mal.” He remembered John babbling thoughtlessly, when Mal gently placed him down onto the mattress. “I love everything about that fucker, that son of a- hmm.. oh God.”_

_“Love who?”_

_“Paul.” John grunted, “Oh perfect fucking Paulie. That beautiful, poised, pristine cunt. I fucking hate him- I love him...” Mal watched in horror as John trailed off, his drunken brown eyes staring at nothing but the ceiling. At first he thought John was passed out with his eyes opened, and he was close to calling out for help until he heard the younger man intake a deep ragged breath. “Loved that man ever since the first time I’ve seen him.” John said, more thoughtfully and soberly than the first few times._

_“What are you saying John?”_

_John looked over at Mal, and slowly reached a warm hand up to caress his cheek. Mal felt like he should’ve thrusted himself back, and head on out of the room but John’s gaze was too powerful for him to just break away so casually. He felt so awkward, having another man caress his cheek as if he was a bird._

_“I love Paul. Wanna marry the lad one day. Go to a waterfall with him, back to Paris. All that romantic shit. I’m sure he’d love it too.” John mumbled, feeling himself fade off into a sleep while Mal just stared at him shocked._

_“John? John? I-” Mal hadn’t known what to do with this information, certainly John was in a drunken haze. **Certainly**._

Mal found himself back inside of the house, unprepared to meeting Paul who was standing near a window and staring silently outside into the summer evening while humming a song. “Christ, you frightened me.”

Paul chuckled, and slowly turned around to look at Mal. “My fault, I didn’t mean to. Thanks by the way, I didn’t know who was going to drive me home or I think I did but I probably-” Paul inhaled, feeling himself become uneasy from stammering over his words. Mal had quickly interjected, “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

“Want some tea?”

“Of course.”

•••

Mal had took a seat across from Paul, eyes glimpsing at the younger’s left hand which was bruised significantly. He wanted to ask Paul if he should go to the hospital, but the man hadn’t seemed to be in the mood to be poured over for. “So um, how are you? Are you alright?” Mal asked, tempted to reach over and grasp at his hand.

“Me? I’m fine. I’m alright.” Paul had just emptily smiled, and Mal noticed that he used that signature McCartney voice to cover up how he was usually feeling. “We’re going to be okay.” He mumbled more to himself than Mal, while grasping at his arms and rocking back to forth. It was a mechanism, Mal noticed he did it every time he was extremely anxious.

“Paul don’t take this the wrong way but- you and John. You guys were..close right? Like real-”

“I know what you’re implying.” Paul cut him off, a few strands of his hair falling in front of his face which made Mal realized this is the longest he’d ever seen Paul’s hair. “But yeah, I guess. That’s what I thought. I assumed we were...close. To tell it to you easy, we- we loved each other. I loved-” Paul abruptly reached back and scratched at the back of his neck, stomach swirling with uncertainty.

“I won’t tell a soul.” Mal vowed, sitting up straight and crossing his hand over the other. “I solely promise, on my life, I will never tell.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Paul muttered, voice sounding defeated the more he thought about him and John’s fallen relationship. “I lov- I love him so much and I wish I could have shown it more I guess. I was just so scared of everyone finding out, and- I guess he felt insecure because John has insecurities. Bu- but I love him, I do. I really do.” Paul’s eyes were glittering with new tears, and as he blinked a few of them fell from his eyes. “I fucked up so bad Mal.”

“You didn’t fuck up Paul, don’t tell yourself that.”

“This is all my fault, and you know it is. I wasn’t enough, Cyn wasn’t enough, Juli-” Paul choked on his tears again, inhaling sharply as he tried to continue but failing each time he tried to form a word. At this point Mal had tears coming down his eyes as well, and he wrapped his arms around Paul’s body to comfort him properly.

“You’ll get through this Paul. You will, you will.”

“I miss my mum. I _need_ her right now.”

Mal closed his eyes, and lifted his arm to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “She’s with you Paul.”

”Then where is she?”

Mal sighed, and looked down at the big eyes of a lost young boy looking up at him. God he just wished this day could be over.

•••


End file.
